LifeBrief › How to write an obituary
How to write an obituary that doesn't sound generic
The funeral home template gives you the structure. Here's how to fill the middle with a life, including how to use AI as a helper without ending up with a form letter.
The short answerKeep the funeral home's opening (passing details and family) and closing (service and donation details) exactly as written. Between them, write two or three short paragraphs: where the person came from, what they built, and what they loved, including one thing they always said, in their own words. Aim for 250 to 400 words, check every name and date with a second person, and publish only what the whole family has agreed to share.
Why so many obituaries sound the same
Most obituaries read like forms because they're built from the only information on hand: dates, survivors, a job title. "She loved her family and enjoyed gardening" could describe a million people. What makes an obituary unmistakable is specifics: the red pen at the kitchen table, dinner at five sharp, the butter tarts with raisins (always raisins). You can't write those from nothing, so the real work starts before the writing.
Step 1: Gather the raw material first
Before drafting, collect in one place:
- Vital facts: full name (and maiden name or nickname), dates and places of birth and death, spouse, children and their partners, grandchildren, siblings, who predeceased them.
- The life in order: where they grew up, schooling, work, places they lived, service to a community, church or team.
- Their sayings: the advice they repeated, the phrases everyone imitates.
- Two or three stories the family tells over and over.
- What they loved: teams, music, food, rituals, a place.
A quick way to gather the stories: send one group message to family — "Reply with your favourite story about Dad, and the saying of his you'll never forget." The replies are the best obituary material you'll get, and they give everyone a way to help.
Step 2: Start from the funeral home's template
Every funeral home has one. It covers the parts that must be right: the announcement, the "survived by" and "predeceased by" lists, visitation, the service and donation details. Don't reinvent those sections. Your job is the two or three paragraphs in the middle.
Step 3: Write the middle in three short paragraphs
- Where they came from. Birthplace and the road to where they ended up. One or two concrete details, not a résumé.
- What they built. Work, family, community. Say what the work meant, not only what it was called.
- What they loved, and what they always said. Hobbies and rituals, and at least one phrase in their exact words.
Keep the tone warm and dignified. A touch of humour is welcome if it was part of who they were.
A complete example
DOYLE, Margaret "Peggy" (née Sullivan) — Peacefully, at Peterborough Regional Health Centre on August 30, 2026, in her 86th year. Beloved wife of the late Frank (2019). Loving mother of Susan (Mark), Kevin (Diane), and Patricia. Cherished grandmother of Emma, Jack, Olivia, and Ben. Dear sister of Tom and the late Eileen.
Born in Lindsay in 1941, Peggy found her calling early and never let it go: thirty-five years teaching Grade 4 at St. Anne's Elementary, where she taught two generations of some Peterborough families. Long after retirement, former students still stopped her in the grocery store to tell her she was the reason their handwriting — or their confidence — held up. Her standard was famous and fair: "neat and complete," written in red pen at the kitchen table every evening, and applied equally to spelling tests, gardens, and grandchildren.
Peggy skipped her curling team for over four decades, guarded her butter tart recipe like a state secret (raisins — always raisins), and believed there was no problem a warm classroom, a cup of tea, or a fresh start on Monday couldn't improve.
Friends will be received at [funeral home] on [date] from [time]. A Funeral Mass will follow at [church]. In lieu of flowers, donations to the St. Anne's School Breakfast Program would be appreciated.
That's about 260 words. Everything outside the middle two paragraphs came straight from a standard template; the middle is what makes it hers.
How long should it be?
| Where | Typical length | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Funeral home website | 250–400 words | Usually no charge; include the full version here. |
| Newspaper print notice | 100–200 words | Often priced by the line; ask for the rate first. |
| Social media post | 60–150 words | Link to the full online obituary. |
Using AI to help write an obituary
AI chat assistants can be genuinely useful in a week when nobody has the energy to write. We used one ourselves. But the output is only as good as what you give it, and a vague request produces exactly the generic obituary you're trying to avoid.
- Give it specifics, not adjectives. Paste in the facts, the stories and the exact sayings. "Loved her family" gives it nothing; "drove through the '98 ice storm to open her classroom" gives it everything.
- Tell it what to keep fixed. Ask it to leave the funeral home's opening and closing sections exactly as written and only draft the middle paragraphs.
- Check every fact. AI tools can invent or blur details: a wrong year, a merged name, a hobby that sounds plausible but wasn't theirs. A family member should verify every name, date and place.
- Make the final voice yours. Read it aloud. Cross out anything that doesn't sound like your family, and add one detail only you would know.
- Be thoughtful about privacy. Only share what you're comfortable having stored by the tool you're using, and never paste in details the family wants kept private.
Before it goes out
- Every name spelled right and every date correct, checked by a second person
- Nothing included that the whole family hasn't agreed to share
- Service, visitation and donation details confirmed with the funeral home
- A short print version and a full online version, if you're using a newspaper
Common questions
How long should an obituary be?
Funeral home and online obituaries typically run 200 to 400 words. Newspapers often charge by the line, so many families print a short version of about 150 words and post the full version online.
What should be included in an obituary?
The person's full name, age, date and place of death; the family who survive them and those who predeceased them; a short account of their life; and service, visitation and donation details. The life paragraphs in the middle are what make it personal.
Can I use AI to write an obituary?
Yes, as a drafting partner. Give it specific facts, stories and the person's own sayings, then edit every line yourself. AI can invent or blur details, so every name, date and place must be checked by a family member before anything is published.
Who usually writes the obituary?
Usually a close family member, often with help from the funeral home, which will have a template for the required details. Assigning it to one person, with a second person checking, works best.
What should be left out of an obituary?
Anything the whole family hasn't agreed to share publicly. Cause of death, illness details and family estrangements are common examples; decide together before anyone drafts.